My Blood Pressure Was At Stroke Level.
Almost three years ago my health was in a major crisis. I was having severe headaches, could do nothing but sleep most of the time and I was at my max capacity for stress and overwhelm. My Blood pressure was tapping in at 220/170. Stroke level. Here I was a young woman looking a stroke in the face. Now, I could sit here and blame it all on my circumstances which I have done. I could blame it on how others treated me. I could place all the responsibility outside of myself. And then this would just be a story that I tell for shock value every now and then. The more I think about this story I know that there is more value there than strategically placing blame.
I want to be honest wtih you all I almost had a stroke that year because I couldn't let go. I couldn't face my reality as it was so I spent majority days during that transition face down on the floor crying. I had lost all of my will to fight. I had given up the opportunity to find gratitude and joy in each day. I disconnected from my body and it felt like my spirit was standing on the outside just waiting for me to wake up. I was literally the walking dead. I was summoning death closer and closer to me by the way I was living. I think back on that time period now grateful for the wisdom of having gone through that valley.
We have been told to hide our emotions in order to appear strong. The moment that we let other people see that we are struggling that's the moment that people think that we are week. I want you to know that this is so far from the truth. Your vulnerability is your strength. Vulnerability not in the sense of letting people walk all over you but being vulnerable in the sense of being gentle with yourself and others. Your sensitivity is a gift. Your gentleness is a gift. Your softness is a gift that is needed in your world.
Often times what ends up happening is we experience some major life transition that causes us great discomfort or pain and we get stuck emotionally. Not knowing how to get unstuck from that place we numb out in order to deal with the pain. Numbing out has such a harsh impact on our wellbeing. We stuff the rage inside. We avoid our sadness. We avoid our heartbreak. And it manifests into a multitude of condiitons. Mine manifested in severe high blood pressure. It can manifest in overeating, binge drinking, depression, and more.
It wasn't until I started creating a sanctuary for rest and giving myself space to reconnect to my power/strength through dance that I started coming back to life again. So here is something that you can do this weekend to step out of numbness:
Clear out your space.
Our space reflects our internal life. I know that I have recently let the busyness of life distract me from taking care of my home sanctuary. Your home is the place where you recharge so you can face the world. This is place where you need to put alot of your energy so that you can give more of your best in your work and your community. So choose one thing to do this weekend and remember this isnt' about doing a total uhaul of your space (not unlesss you want). Organize the laundry, vaccum, clean up the bathroom, organize your papers, clean up the kitchen. Just pick one thing that you can you do within a one or two hour time frame. Maybe put a good show on netflix while you clean. Now after you do your one thing to clear your space I want you to rest. Make a hot cup of t\ea, light a candle, sign out of facebook and rest.
Come Dance with Us
Join me this coming Saturday in Chicago for Forgive. Release. Let Go.two hours of dance completely dedicated to helping you navigate the grief, the doubt, the frustration and to let it out through dance. When these emotions don't have a way to show their face they consume us until we are ready to face them head on. Don't be consumed find your strength to fight.
Upcoming classes: (click the date to register)
This Saturday in Chicago 11/12 4-6 pm
Next Saturday in NY 11/19 12:30-2:30 pm
12/10 San Fransico,CA
Questions don't hesitate to contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org
See you on the dance floor.