My First Burlesque Performance : Taking Back My Body
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My First Burlesque Performance!!!
I did my first official burlesque performance this last weekend and had an amazing time. The pictures above are a few moments from the night It was the perfect end to my first 30 days single after my most recent long term relationship ended. I made a commitment to myself Day 1 to have as much fun as possible while also giving myself space to heal.
This is something I have always wanted to do but felt shame/conflicted about doing burlesque and grappling with this idea of what a "respectable partner" does publicly w/their body. The conflict around appearing respectable by the way I limited my public expression has not sat well with me. Over the years I have created some dope ass pieces of work like this and this that were very vulnerable and took an enormous amount of prayer and courage to put out there. Somehow, even though I thought I was valuing my freedom, I kept choosing partners that seemed confronted or threatened even if only intially by my work. They couldn't see my intention and they also had some personal hangups of their own to deal with around jealousy, control etc. Sometimes I dismissed people from jump when I saw the red flag but if my heart got ahead of my logic I found myself shrinking to make them comfortable which resulted in a lot of emotional chaos for me. If I ended up shrinking I wasn't actively promoting my business and I was censoring my words. Ultimately not living in my calling started to not only impact my work but the way I showed up in my life.
There was a major incongruency between what I knew to be true, my belief system and my actions. This disconnection between my personal holy trinity led me to feeling depressed, uninspired and definitely everything but sexy.
- What you know to be true is the vision that you have created for yourself and your life. It's the rules that you play by and look to align with other people and experiences.
- Your belief system is basically the vehicle that transports your truth into the world through your actions. When your belief system is not in alignment with your truth you have a lot of stop and start momentum. For example: You want to fall in love with an amazing soul who treats you right (Your truth) but your belief system says that everyone is out to hurt you, no one should be trusted and there are no good people left in the world to fall in love with. You catch my drift?
- Now your actions are quite simple. It's the steps that you take on a daily basis that reenforce what you believe and bring your closer to your truth your vision. However, when your belief system and your truth are off the mark
This breakup helped me call bullshit on that shame and reclaim this experience of sexual liberation for myself. It brought the really difficult questions like...
- How much have I been willing to give up of myself in order to fit into a relationship?
- Also, how much value am I willing to put on my wildness/untamed essence NOW with the affirmation *again* that it brings me back to life?
A little assignment for you
In the wisdom of Abraham Hicks it helped me clarify more about the relationship that I do desire my life. Sometimes we can get such strong hits of information but we forget to lock it into our truth/vision as part of what we want to look out for when the next experience comes around. I know that this is something that I struggled with (especially with the whole heart before logic deal) so I have adopted a practice with my new lovers of writing down all the things that I really enjoy about the experience and on the next page I write down the details that make me a little *meh* about the interaction.
Now, don't stop there because wherever there is*meh* energy you need to clairfy what would feel absolutely orgasmic in it's place. Now, obviously people aren't robots or built to operate in the way that we think is perfect so sometimes you're flexible but this exercise has been really helpful for me in not being flexible on the *super* fucking important shit that would keep me up at night. You know?
I'd love to hear your thoughts. Have you ever been in a relationship or experience where you felt like you were giving up a major part of yourself? How did you recognize it? What helped you to come back to yourself? Was there any fear in making the change? Did the relationship end as a result of you making this major shift for yourself?
Join us over in the private facebook group to share your thoughts and jam with the other women in the community.
Enrollment is now open for The Reclaiming Your Sexy Striptease & Sensuality School Chicago. Class starts May 13th. This program is an 12 week intimate group coaching experience designed to help you tap into your sensuality so you can have more confidence, better sex and unapologetic joy.
Click here to learn more and to start registration.
Registration closes May 5th 2017