Rewriting The Rules of Owning Our Pleasure.


Sexual Shame shows up in our lives in many ways... from how we experience physical intimacy, to the way we allow ourselves to dress, to the way we express ourselves, to the way we judge others for their expression of sexy. Sexual shame has so many faces.

I’ve often times been asked “how did you get so confident in expressing your sexual self” and my answer has always been it’s a choice and a commitment that I have to make daily to stand in my erotic power and intentionally curating the rules that I have written for my life.

We cannot allow anyone else to determine the rules of existence. And this is a frightening thing when you realize that owning something about yourself may cause disruption in your life. When you’re trying to grasp to your current existence and you’re reaching for your freedom with the other hand, at some point one of those realities is going to drop. <<<Paradigm Shifting>>>.

We spoke about this in my mastermind recently saying the resistance that we have to owning our sensuality and sexuality (especially in relationship to a spiritual practice) is not always just our own fear - sometimes it’s the fear of all the women who survived trauma before us living in the muscle memory of our bodies.

There’s often a lot of judgement or conflict in this space saying well... “they just don’t understand” or “I don’t want to be a housewife” or “I want more for my life than to cook/clean/raise children” or “I don’t want to be repressed like that”. I’ve had similar feelings of being conflicted but what I’ve had to realize and what I share with my clients is that the women before us weren’t docile by nature. The women before us were warriors - fighters - freedom seekers but sometimes in less visible ways intentionally. They planted the seeds for us to be able to do these types of explorations. They weren’t “only” domestic. Many times they had no other choice but to repress their sensual/erotic self as a means of survival or safety.

We now have so much freedom to express ourselves in ways that feel edifying for us. There are a wealth of resources. Want to live somewhere new? move. Don’t like your lover? Leave. Your church not doing it for you? We go somewhere else but that’s not always been the luxury for women and there are many places where those choices are not available still without life threatening ramifications.

And though many of us now have a wide range of freedoms, there is still resistance and pain due to people misunderstanding and misinterpreting which is often hard to navigate. Sometimes it feels easier to neglect this exploration and shut down than to continue to poke/pry/jab at this thing that feels like awakening a sleeping bear.

This is where rewriting the rules becomes necessary and finding the courage to call on your tribe, rub up against the femmes you see embodying the life you desire, seek mentors to help you. Continue investigating,exploring and asking questions relentlessly because the growing never stops. We must ask ourselves if the challenges that we will experience in our seasons of growth worth it for us? And if the answer is yes then we make the commitment each day to step into that sensual confidence and expression not blindly but armored with full knowledge of the risks and obstacles. It’s truly a matter of being honest with yourself as to which existence truly creates wholeness and joy for you - and being able to stand with that choice daily.