HOENANIGANS: Learning To Put Me First & Stop Living On Empty.
These are the looks I've been giving you since my breakup in February. Lord! Lol its not even July and I've gone through five styles. I love how switching my hair up and keeping my nails done lol has been a big part of healing & #reclaimingmysexy after that transition. 😍😍😍
Below I link some articles + videos that I have written/created around getting back to yourself after a relationship ends. I hope these little messages resonate with you if you need them. <3
April 3rd 2017 -
A few weeks ago I shared with you all that I was going through a breakup. The pictures above are a just a little snapshot of my experiences since then. This isn't my norm. Normally when some major or unexpected transition happens in my life it takes me down for the count. I usually fumble and stumble my way forward only grasping to small moments of joy. I end up carrying that pain with me on my back. I knew that this time I truly needed to do something different because if I didn't I would probably just sad myself into isolation.
I'm playing with this process of grieving through pleasure. I have to thank Elizabeth Dialto from WildSoulMovement for the prompt into this exploration. In a recent post around her own breakup she shared "These different emotions can co-exist. You can be grieving and really excited about something at the same time. One does not deny the other".
The norm in our culture is that when something life changing happens pleasure and grief don't co-exist or we avoid pleasure because in some way it feels wrong to want joy while also going through a bad time. After these last few weeks of my own exploration I believe that we need the exact opposite when we are going through a trying time : more pleasure, more joy & more ecstatic experiences. It's easy to go to the end of the grieving spectrum that's all dark nights, crying, deep withdrawl and you definitely may need some of that for sure in order to release - give yourself that. The other end of the spectrum of grief is fighting the gravitational pull and curating positive experiences even when your mind wants to dwell in the past. In the blend of this spectrum we bring new energy into our lives and ultimately begin the shift.
It's been such a long time since I've actually seen my smile come through like this or felt so alive in my body. I've tried to document each experience as I go along so I can remember this for future times when life takes a hard left.
So what does this have to do with hoenaningans right? lol
Out to lunch with my girlfriends recently we started a little pact to hoe for the summer. Now, my more prude readers might be super turned off by this but I think my true #womanuntamed & #reclaimingyoursexy loves know where I am headed with this. There was so much excitement and laughter as we sat down over lunch making a little score board for our wins : getting someone's number, making out, having mind blowing orgasms. I have to note that we also docked points for not making time for friends, catching feelings too quickly (lol) and jumping into relationships lol. All lighthearted good fun just to keep us on our toes. One of the gals is married so obvi some of the wins don't apply to her but she still can play along and I have to say she is killing it.
It's been so fucking dope trading our wins back and forth. The ultimate 20 pts text = great sex is absolutely my favorite. If you're looking for a fun way to reconnect with your girls and encourgage each other to have more fun start your own hoenaningans game with your own rules and point system. I'd love to see your scoreboards! :)
We've only been doing this for a few days but a huge message came to me with this game. Hoenaningans can obviously take on so many different meanings. Maybe for one woman it means casual sex without shame. Maybe it means letting all your inner hoe out for your partner who you haven't connected with sexually in a year. Maybe it's planning a fun vacation with your girls. Maybe it's letting yourself entertain a new boo and receiving that new energy with excitement vs. anxiety. It can mean anything but ultimately it's about not dying in the disappointments and stress that life can throw at you and allowing yourself to have as much fun as possible again. Some of us have been so focused on everyone else for so long we need an overhaul of hoeness & hoe energy to just rain on us so we can get back to the good stuff about life.
When I think of hoeing I think of an individual that is all about their own agenda, their own pleasure and being the central force in their world. I've always been enamored with people who could entertain multiple lovers, enjoyed being social, created adventures for themselves and so much more. You could see the life pulsating through them. And I wanted that in my own way. I know that hoe has obvi negative conatations but I think there's plenty of space for us to reclaim it as so much more. We'll talk more in upcoming posts about what it means to be #prohoe.
Over the coming weeks i'll also be sharing more of my own epicstories from my hoenaningans journey with my girlfriends, new lovers and my own personal unfolding.
I can't wait to share more with you all.
I want to hear your thoughts in the comments.
Resources For Finding Your Sexy Again Post-Breakup & Tips For Embracing The Hoe-Life ;)
TIP #1 : Stop Ignoring The Red Flags
How many times do you ignore the red flags before you realize that the problem isn't just the person hurting you but your own unwillingness to dead/sever a toxic connection. No shame. It has taken me 5000 conversations and long nights to leave. But at some point we have to be that fierce protector of our own souls and dismiss people who literally show and tell us that they don't love us. See IG tip here
Tip #2: Love Is A Not A Reward but A Bare Minimum Requirement
We take the anxiety and the weight out of dating and relationships when we realize that love is not a reward but a basic bare minimum requirement. Often times I have seen myself and others fall into this trap of chasing the high of love and forgetting that our most pure form of existence is love. It's not something we have to go get but something we have to unlock within us. It's something we were called to experience in every corner of our lives. Stop falling for the trap that love is a reward that you get after you've proved your worthiness
Tip #3 : Take Back Your Body & Do Something To Shake Things Up
In this piece I talk about my first Burlesque performance and feeling alive in my body again post breakup. Click here to read it
Are you ready to really release the pain of past relationship and reclaim your true power post breakup? I want you to join me for one of the upcoming Reclaiming Your Sexy Intensives. Our focus for this workshop is on Forgiveness & Awakening Your Sensuality. After this workshop experience you'll have the tools to stop looking backwards at your old relationship in fear of being hurt again and open to the excitement, joy and pleasure of new love coming into your life. You'll feel so sexy that lovers will start tripping over themselves to get to you without you even having to pick up the phone.
You ready? Grab your seat in a workshop happening near you.
Don't see your city listed? We are planning for 2018 and would love to get your feedback on where to host experiences. Join the waitlist below to put your city on the list.