Why Do You Move?
Why do you move?
#MovementMonday practice. Feeling really inspired lately. I’m shared with you all that I’m officially in training mode. I’m learning what it means to train my body for performance endurance vs. training my body to be smaller. This has always been a trigger point for me in dance/theatre anything. Reminding myself every time I step into movement, of any kind or even as I think about how I am making adjustments to my meal planning, to keep my intention in mind. I simply want to feel like an athlete. I want to feel sexy in the body I have right now. I want to use my dance as a sacred space to let go.
I’ve hesitated for a long time to try to engage this conversation around wellness and being body affirming/liberating because I did not want to offend or hurt anyone. However, in my silence I’ve just grown disconnected from the conversations altogether and that doesn’t feel active or empowering. So I’ve got to find a balance. I know the best place to start as @remixyourstyle talks about is to #speakfromyourownexperience
So here is my experience:
1. I am a Black Woman
2. I weigh somewhere around 280-300 lbs
3. I dance regularly (all my life)
4. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure before the age of 30
5. My Father, Grandfather and Great GrandFather (?) (on my father’s side) died from complications with diabetes,hbp and kidney failure.
6. My blood pressure has been near stroke level within the last 10 years.
Combining these factors I personally cannot ignore my weight,what I eat or my level of endurance. I want a strong heart and a long life. Somehow my genes weren’t setup to thrive like that without intentionality. I have struggled with owning this story. I fought taking high blood pressure medicine because it made me feel like I had failed. Taking the medicine for me then meant that everyone who had critiqued me was “right” and my body was a problem. The longer I resisted the more I was in discomfort. For a stint my weight fluctuated so high and my blood pressure along with it that I could barely walk from my front door to my car.
We are allowed to have complicated health stories. We have to give ourselves permission to curate a wellness experience that works for OUR bodies. Wanting to conquer health challenges does not mean you are buying into diet culture. No one else has the authority to determine what’s right for you and what you need. And we cannot be ashamed to say I need or want to make changes to feel better. Everyone is allowed to have their own journey.
I have struggled talking about this because (I don’t know of and also have not seen because it could exist) conversations about plus size wellness that take into account pre-existing health conditions that are impacted by lack of movement, salt intake, weight etc. And because of this I have experienced shame for my body and also shame for wanting to heal it. This is my personal story and does not reflect the experiences of other plus size women. But this is why I move. I move to feel good. I move to let the stress go. I move to remember my power. I move to stay connected. Why do you move?
Til The Cops Come Knockin x Maxwell
Video by @remixyourstyle
*I do not own the rights to this music*