If you are anything like me you struggled with your confidence growing up.
You wanted to fit in, you wanted people to hang out with, you wanted the cool group of friends.
But somehow that just never fell into place.
You learned quickly that people reacted warmly when you were of constant service, making them laugh, building them up with inspiration and they could see that there was a tangible need for you to be around.
And while it brought many different people into your life who seemingly saw just how cool you are, just how beautiful you are and the value you added to their lives..
Something always went wrong. The relationship would end. The friendship would disappear. Suddenly the attention wasn’t there anymore.
You would experience the “lull” and then suddenly new energy came sweeping into your life and the high started all over again.
There was always a nagging feeling in the pit of your stomach that made you question just how long the good was going to last.
You’re not just smart…you’re wise.
And at some point the cycle of feast and faminine in terms of meaningful connection & intimacy started to become exhausting.
Playing the role became rigid.
You could tell that the costume didn’t fit anymore.
But how could you have the meaningful connections and stop the performance?
Stop giving so much, stop being so understanding, stop ignoring your own needs, enforce stronger boundaries?
Doesn’t this all mean most people would just walk away?
I questioned the same things many nights and honestly found myself choosing to hold onto the people because I was afraid of being alone.
The dance between understanding my worth and living in defeat was heartbreaking.
From relationship to relationship
From friendship to friendship
From job to job
I felt the sting of the disconnection between my lived experience and my worthiness.
I just wanted to feel wanted and I just wanted to feel good.
And that longing (when blatantly ignored) put me in dangerous spaces emotionally & physically until I was willing to make a shift.
The shift that saved my life was in reclaiming the part of me that felt like she had to do back flips for love and stretch beyond all her boundaries for validation. Reclaiming the part of me that felt unlovable,unworthy and undervalued and breathing new life into the way she showed up in the world.
I had to Reclaim My Sexy.